Brain Monologue - I

[Ping]
Mid way through his jump, he forgot why the heck he was there in the first place.
His heart now beating high paced crazy African tribal beats, high on adrenaline, 
clouding his reason.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?" playing in a never ending loop in his mind.
He crossed the 67th floor of the building.
He knew it was the 67th floor, the banner advertising the new hot classy lounge 
zooming past his eyes, said so.
Mind racing to find the reason he jumped off the 88 floor tall building.
At the speed he was falling, everything was a blur..

"Fuck those stupid bastards, who say your whole life flashes before your eyes",
If only that could happen now, It would answer a lot of my questions"  

[Pong]

Sitting at my desk in the windowless corner of this high rise building,
working my way through a 812 page document looking for loopholes 
my company could use to suck money out of their partners for the next 
coming X years.
It suddenly dawned on me I haven't seen the sun rise or set, for the last 4 months
Haven't spoken to friend in weeks.
Living out of an unpacked cardboard box and take out food.
The closest I get to achieving human contact is when I get a cup of coffee with 
a plastic smile (for which she gets paid) from my barista every morning.
I need some clarity, I need some direction, I need some excitement!!!
I cant breathe.
Need to clear my head, I need fresh air..
Question is, is that all i need?
Clearing my head and some fresh air?
Naah.. I am missing something here.
 
[Ping]

This never ending human quest for answers.
What is our obsession with wanting to know everything?
If only we had given up on curiosity, then our biggest headache would have been 
shelter and food.
We wouldn't know the meaning of work related stress, frustration, time management etc...
Now we have unknowingly given birth to these compound and complex emotions, 
feelings and concepts, to an extent where we no longer recognize our primal emotions.
Where the thought of implications comes first to us, even if doing that something is the 
only thing in the world we enjoy.
Come to think of it, every single time we have done something, it has been 
with the prime motive of reducing our effort or burden.
Point is, once the objective was achieved we never bloody STOP!!!
Every move there after was dedicated to extracting more out of every single waking hour.
Did I jump coz of the collective failure of mankind who didn't realize when to stop??
Nope.. I am not that deep or concerned about the monkey business our ancestors were 
involved in.
Why the hell did I jump???
Even in these last moments, my biggest concern is this question..
Crap! guess curiosity is embedded deep in our DNA.

He must have been somewhere near the 42th Floor of the building.
He wasn't worried about dying, but there was a look on his face.
If only he could slow down time.

[Pong]
 
I should drink more.
That will help me clear my mind.
Wanna know my justification???
The whole logic behind drinking or rather intoxicating oneself is to actually get in touch with 
ones psyche.
Fools are those who advertize that if you drink certain beer you will be cool,
or if you have a certain whiskey you will part of a classier crowd.
Alcohol and Weed have the ability to open the portal to the creative and 
imaginative parts of the brain.
Brain that is otherwise occupied with Bills, Taxes, Work, Relations, Money.. deserves a break.
So drink, give your brain a break.
Let it be, And it will let you be, as you were intended to be.
Rather than the way you are.
Tell me that doesn't makes sense, and you will be waving bye bye to your nuts..
Drunk me talks sense.. Sober me talks numbers..

[Ping]

If only I could get my self out of this situation.
"Please God, help me.."
Even as I scream these words,
all I can think of is the futility of appealing to a higher power to do something.
How many times have I appealed before, and eventually turned into an atheist 
due to lack of divine magic tricks being performed.
Why should this time be any different.
Now I only wish, this misery would end soon.
Hate this hanging in between.
Wait!!! Isn't that what I was, a zombie. hanging between two worlds, neither dead nor dying.
Rage filled, monotonous, tired, dead inside, alive outside kinds.
Ready to chomp on anyone at the slightest provocation.
All I needed was to get one more moron fired from work, the grand total would have been 15.
I would have put that on my resume.
The kind of people I have got fired ranges from bus boys at highway diners to managing directors.
My source of amusement, my guilty pleasure,
for which I have never felt guilty enough to jump off a building.

He could see the cars parked down below clearly now.

[Pong]

I walked up to my desk, only to notice my coffee mug having been nicked.
Sick lowly asshole.. A MUG??? MY MUG???
Somebody has it coming, now if only I can find that guy.
I have more pressing issues to take care off, but all that was before 
someone indirectly asked me to mess with his life.
Shouldn't be hard to find a big black mug saying 
"Don't mess with me, before my morning coffee"...
The irony of the situation is hard to ignore.
Ahhhh, Mr. Nelson, How nice of you to have adopted my coffee mug in my absence.
I transform into Dirty Harry.. "Come on buster, make a move, make my day".
What makes these shitbags think they own the office,
if they are getting it up their butt from almost everyone on the Board of Directors.
Bingo! I see a presentation by you scheduled at the share holders meeting 2 weeks from now. Perfect!
I can think of a hundred ways to flush you down.
But first thing first...
As I approach our Mr. Nelson, I notice the intern and the Senior Associate standing with him take a step back.
Nice... I like the beads of sweat forming on their brows, I smell fear.
"Hi Nelson, I see you got my mug there."
(YOU BLOODY RAT FUCKER.. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY MUG!!!)
"Oh hay man.. didn't know it was yours.. just wash it and get me a hazelnut brew will ya."
(Did he just tell me that, am I dreaming, better still is he doped? 
The looks on the intern's face confirms)
"Sure man, No Problem.. No Problem at all."
(Laxatives in coffee may seem childish, but it works and its fun)
"Here you go Nelson, Enjoy."
Right now I make Mother Teresa look like penny stealing tramp.
Rest of the week was pretty much uneventful.
Mr. Nelson on the other hand was out of office for the next 3 days.
Come time for the presentation,
and Mr. Nelson had surprisingly records of the board members embezzling 
company money and tucking it in G-strings in far off lands.
Some having bought yachts for their nannies and apartments for their dogs.
Depicted in the presentation, with photographs..
The crowd always falls for the visual, rather than the audio.
Victim number 9 goes down...
Time for change of job for me as well.

[Ping]

Does God too swear vendetta at his detesters?
Is this his way of dealing with me?
Where is the devil with a contract in return for my soul..
Story of my life, I never get things, when I want them the most.

He could see a brand new BMW and a Porsche parked among the parked cars.
 
Which rich bastard should I make suffer.
Even in death I will go kicking and screaming.
Why should I be the only one, the sisters at my convent always told me to share.
And share I will.
Screw it, I am aiming for the Porsche right now. Focus.
Focus!!! Is that it? the idea of channelizing myself in a direction.
The idea of having a future, which would keep even a dying kid in Nigeria alive,
was that thing that did me in?
My brain, My imagination. Turned into my worst enemy.
A normal human would take life one step at a time.
I wanted to figure it all out.
The more I think about it, more grim everything becomes.
What I saw is not worth sharing..
But am I that gullible to give up on life based on what I imagined?
Must be m............
SPLAT!!!!