By the age of 21 everyone... almost everyone experiences infatuation, love and in some not so lucky cases, a broken heart.
Roy added the 'who happens to be a girl' part.
His interpretation of it was, any and every girl who happened to come within 10 meters radius of him.
All those who qualified, included every girl in his class since kindergarten, in his neighborhood, in his tuition class, who sat next to him on a bus/train/movie hall and the ones who didn't count as immediate family.
You must be thinking 'What a hormone crazed desperate character!'.
He was pretty special that way, he was blessed with, what one would call 'Hippie Blood', really believing in 'Free Love' and 'Love for all' fundas..
In his defense, he always claimed to fall in love with every single girl he laid eyes on.
There isn't a lot that alcohol can't help you get through, and Roy depended on it to take care of the following situations:
- The first time he has a crush on a girl. [To make her memory linger]
- The time he comes to know she has a boyfriend. [To drown his sorrows]
- The time he actually wants to talk to the girl. [Without the booze, the words tend to get stuck to the insides of his throat]
- The time the girl says No. [Again to drown his sorrows]
- The time the girl says Yes. [To celebrate the occasion, haven't been many]
- And the time when the girl's ex-boyfriend, brother, father, old granny, younger sister or her dog beat/bit/scratched the crap out of him. [To forget the pain he was in.. and it was the granny who bit him, not the dog]
Not to forget the birthday parties, end of semester parties, end of exam parties, combined study sessions, giving company to a friend and the times when you actually have no reason at all.
On 23rd of November 2006, 10:30 pm, after a couple of beers...
Roy called up Nina, one of his many "She is the One"s.
All would have been well with his imaginary castle.. but as someone once said (and as millions say everyday) 'Life is a Bitch'.
A previously unknown entity, "Nina's boyfriend" answered the phone.
Now any reasonable heart broken teen would have called it a night.
But Roy being a true "John McClane" fan decided, if he was ever going down, he would do it with a bang and all guns blazing. (If you don't know who John McClane is, Then you DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!! CLIMB TO THE TOP OF NAKATOMI PLAZA AND JUMP.. YOU BOZO!!!)
So after a couple more beers he ended up calling Premlata.
Who's Premlata??? Hmmm, Imagine a pyramid, on the very top would be Megan Fox, at the bottom would be the rotten corpse of a 3000 year old mummy. Now if you dug for like 500 meters below that mummy, somewhere around there you would find the fat slob called "Premlata".
Even today, Roy is not sure what he said to her that night.
But the result of that call was a text message to him the next day, which read something like this.
"Gud mrning sw hrt...Lotsa luv.. Hv a gr8 day.. Muuuahhh."
And that's how he found a creature willing to give him a chance.
What happened next, led me to break my confidentiality clause and write this story for the benefit of mankind.
I had heard that love was blind. In Roy's case it was blind, deaf, had lost it sense of smell, its mind and he had damn near lost 3/4th of his savings for a bike, on mobile recharges, Romantic lunches, tons of chocolates and gifts.
To add to this mix, various hormonal cocktails were also playing their part pretty well.
Making Roy spend on her, was Premlata's version of love, and spending on her, was his.
In a weird sense of speaking they were perfect for each other.
I guess love does this to people, and Roy had been looking for it since the moment he came to existence.
Before anyone knew it, 8 months had past since that night.
Now you run after something for so long, you soon start missing the running after part.
Things become a drag, specially when the demands from the thing you were running after, start to look like an unending well.
I still remember this thing Roy told me once when he was feeling all philosophical about his situation.
"I never thought I would end up in such a mess man, All the happiness within me has dried up..There is just a void left in its place, I now have to hunt for external sources of happiness just to keep myself from going insane".
I actually thought he would renounce all his worldly possessions, grab a couple of beers and head to the Himalayas.
Such being the situation, I did what any good friend would have done.
I spoke to Premlata.
'Roy still loves you a lot and he is crazy about you. He has only just stopped saying it out loud. He still loves getting you gifts. In fact he was telling me the other day, that your demand for gifts has gone down, he doesn't know what to do with the extra cash he has saved up. Also he was saying something about marrying you someday. Ohh.. and he said he would die if you ever left him and it looked like he meant it, So please no matter what, never leave him.'
I am not sure, which of the above convinced her, but she stayed in Roy's life for another 5 months before the inevitable happened.
Come on guys!! Don't judge me, I was just helping my friend learn a lesson in life. I'm sure, he too would have done the same for me. After all, What are friends for???
Ohh!! By the way, the discoveries that lead to the inevitable, were really amazing!
Roy found her, sitting with some guy in a restaurant.
When he questioned her, she chose to use a bazooka!! in what was supposed to be a sword fight, and unleashed hell on him for not trusting her and drenching his shirt in tears.
Some days later Roy ran into her sitting in a garden, holding hands with another guy. The memories of the previous assault were still fresh. So he sought shelter behind the assumption that, the guy must have been a cousin and let it go.
Third time is always the charm and was also the deal breaker in his case, this time he found her sitting under a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..
She turned out to be a neat little multitasking succubus, who collected boyfriends for fun.. She could handle four guys at any point of time, at least we liked to believe it was only four.
That one episode in his life, did him a world of good.
He has turned to God, and now prays that she dies of some horrible disease & I end up in a ditch some day.
Nowadays, whenever something bad happens to me, I imagine Roy sitting somewhere pricking pins into a voodoo doll that looks like me..
Now this is not uncommon, but the question is, what is the acceptable number of times one should permit himself/herself to go through all this?? How about four or does ten sound reasonable??
Although not a Christian, Roy fervently believed in 'Love thy Neighbor as thyself, who happens to be a girl'.Roy added the 'who happens to be a girl' part.
His interpretation of it was, any and every girl who happened to come within 10 meters radius of him.
All those who qualified, included every girl in his class since kindergarten, in his neighborhood, in his tuition class, who sat next to him on a bus/train/movie hall and the ones who didn't count as immediate family.
You must be thinking 'What a hormone crazed desperate character!'.
He was pretty special that way, he was blessed with, what one would call 'Hippie Blood', really believing in 'Free Love' and 'Love for all' fundas..
In his defense, he always claimed to fall in love with every single girl he laid eyes on.
There isn't a lot that alcohol can't help you get through, and Roy depended on it to take care of the following situations:
- The first time he has a crush on a girl. [To make her memory linger]
- The time he comes to know she has a boyfriend. [To drown his sorrows]
- The time he actually wants to talk to the girl. [Without the booze, the words tend to get stuck to the insides of his throat]
- The time the girl says No. [Again to drown his sorrows]
- The time the girl says Yes. [To celebrate the occasion, haven't been many]
- And the time when the girl's ex-boyfriend, brother, father, old granny, younger sister or her dog beat/bit/scratched the crap out of him. [To forget the pain he was in.. and it was the granny who bit him, not the dog]
Not to forget the birthday parties, end of semester parties, end of exam parties, combined study sessions, giving company to a friend and the times when you actually have no reason at all.
On 23rd of November 2006, 10:30 pm, after a couple of beers...
Roy called up Nina, one of his many "She is the One"s.
All would have been well with his imaginary castle.. but as someone once said (and as millions say everyday) 'Life is a Bitch'.
A previously unknown entity, "Nina's boyfriend" answered the phone.
Now any reasonable heart broken teen would have called it a night.
But Roy being a true "John McClane" fan decided, if he was ever going down, he would do it with a bang and all guns blazing. (If you don't know who John McClane is, Then you DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!! CLIMB TO THE TOP OF NAKATOMI PLAZA AND JUMP.. YOU BOZO!!!)
So after a couple more beers he ended up calling Premlata.
Who's Premlata??? Hmmm, Imagine a pyramid, on the very top would be Megan Fox, at the bottom would be the rotten corpse of a 3000 year old mummy. Now if you dug for like 500 meters below that mummy, somewhere around there you would find the fat slob called "Premlata".
Even today, Roy is not sure what he said to her that night.
But the result of that call was a text message to him the next day, which read something like this.
"Gud mrning sw hrt...Lotsa luv.. Hv a gr8 day.. Muuuahhh."
And that's how he found a creature willing to give him a chance.
What happened next, led me to break my confidentiality clause and write this story for the benefit of mankind.
I had heard that love was blind. In Roy's case it was blind, deaf, had lost it sense of smell, its mind and he had damn near lost 3/4th of his savings for a bike, on mobile recharges, Romantic lunches, tons of chocolates and gifts.
To add to this mix, various hormonal cocktails were also playing their part pretty well.
Making Roy spend on her, was Premlata's version of love, and spending on her, was his.
In a weird sense of speaking they were perfect for each other.
I guess love does this to people, and Roy had been looking for it since the moment he came to existence.
Before anyone knew it, 8 months had past since that night.
Now you run after something for so long, you soon start missing the running after part.
Things become a drag, specially when the demands from the thing you were running after, start to look like an unending well.
I still remember this thing Roy told me once when he was feeling all philosophical about his situation.
"I never thought I would end up in such a mess man, All the happiness within me has dried up..There is just a void left in its place, I now have to hunt for external sources of happiness just to keep myself from going insane".
I actually thought he would renounce all his worldly possessions, grab a couple of beers and head to the Himalayas.
Such being the situation, I did what any good friend would have done.
I spoke to Premlata.
'Roy still loves you a lot and he is crazy about you. He has only just stopped saying it out loud. He still loves getting you gifts. In fact he was telling me the other day, that your demand for gifts has gone down, he doesn't know what to do with the extra cash he has saved up. Also he was saying something about marrying you someday. Ohh.. and he said he would die if you ever left him and it looked like he meant it, So please no matter what, never leave him.'
I am not sure, which of the above convinced her, but she stayed in Roy's life for another 5 months before the inevitable happened.
Come on guys!! Don't judge me, I was just helping my friend learn a lesson in life. I'm sure, he too would have done the same for me. After all, What are friends for???
Ohh!! By the way, the discoveries that lead to the inevitable, were really amazing!
Roy found her, sitting with some guy in a restaurant.
When he questioned her, she chose to use a bazooka!! in what was supposed to be a sword fight, and unleashed hell on him for not trusting her and drenching his shirt in tears.
Some days later Roy ran into her sitting in a garden, holding hands with another guy. The memories of the previous assault were still fresh. So he sought shelter behind the assumption that, the guy must have been a cousin and let it go.
Third time is always the charm and was also the deal breaker in his case, this time he found her sitting under a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..
She turned out to be a neat little multitasking succubus, who collected boyfriends for fun.. She could handle four guys at any point of time, at least we liked to believe it was only four.
That one episode in his life, did him a world of good.
He has turned to God, and now prays that she dies of some horrible disease & I end up in a ditch some day.
Nowadays, whenever something bad happens to me, I imagine Roy sitting somewhere pricking pins into a voodoo doll that looks like me..
