No love.. Oh baby.. Lets BOOZEEE.....

"Abe aise kyu baita hai? jaise kisi ne teri leli ho."
"Mood nahi hai yaar abhi, disturb mat kar."
"Muaaf kardo Nawab saheb, jaise hum gareeb logo ko
aap jaise bade logo ke pichwade mein ungli karne ke alawa aur koi kaam hi nahi hai na??"

30 seconds later..

"Abe chutiye, tu abhi tak aise hi pada hai, chal ready ho ja, we are going out,
Maa kasam agar tune natak kiya toh bheja phod dunga."
"Dude.. I dont want to go out, all we end up doing is boozing and ogling, faida kya hai?"
"Ohh.. BC.. Are you questioning the way of life we have perfected over the last 3 years??
We are men dude.. our only objectives in life are Booze and babes."
"Fuck you man!! I am done with you justifications."
"O teri..Kya hogaya, any thing serious?"
"Chod yaar tu nahi samjhega."
"Haramkhor, 5 saal se janta hoon tujhe. Try me."
"4 din se woh mera phone nahi utha rahi hai, ghar pe gaya toh, uski mom bolti hai,
she is gone out jab ke uski gadi garage mein hi padi thi."
"Abe toh G mein jane de usko, koi aur mil gaya hoga use,
Tu uske chakkar mein mere mood ki maa behen kyu kar raha hai."
"I love her man.. I cant live without her."
"Hmmmm, Ye tera pehla scene hai kya? By God.. Dont tell me ye tera pehla case hai."
"I miss her man."
"Abe she hasn't responded to your calls for 4 days, Take a hint. Waise bhi kab se janta hai tu usko?"
"Almost 4 months now..Dude.. I cant live without her man. I will die without her"
"Abe mere champu.. wake up and smell the coffee.. ITS BLOODY BURNING AND STARING YOU STRAIGHT IN THE FACE.. tera expiry date over ho gaya hai."
"BC..without even knowing her, how can you say this about her yaar."
"Trust me, I know girls like you don't."
"Jo bhi hai yaar.. Why is she doing this to me?"
"Simple hai Beeta.. sari ladkiyan SADIST hoti hain. I mean come on yaar,
look at the fucking serials they watch saas-bahu, roona-dhona, pyar-vyar, family values and shit.
Who in their right minds would want to watch that God forsaken pile of puke?"
"WTF has watching some serial got to do with Prachi not answering my call man? And BTW even your mom watches those fucked up serials..remember??"
"HARAMI!!.. argument mein Mamma ko beech mein mat la...
BTW 'PRACHI' bada hot sounding naam hai yaar, No wonder teri jal rahi hai."
"Bhootni ke, tu baat ko kahan se kahan le ja raha hai? Naam ka ladki se kya connection hai?"
"Bhai mere.. kitni baar tune kisi hot ladki ko dekha hai, jiska naam 'Sundarabhagya Srividhya Raman' hai?"
"Hmmm.. dekha toh nahi hai."
"EXACTLY!!! yahi toh mera point hai..Jitna hot naam utni hi hot ladki. Direct Proportion hai dude.."
"Boss.. pair kahan hain tere.. Tu mahan hai yaar.. bas ek kaam kar de mera.. BLOODY SPARE ME YOUR GYAN AND FUNDAS."
"Abe tu nahi janta.. bade kaam ke hain ye funde."
"Bas kar yaar.. nahi toh By God, teri maut ka zimmedar tu khud hoga."
"Chill yaar, kisi ladki ka ghussa tu mere pe kyu nikal raha hai?"
"Dude.. pata nahi yaar.. I cant get her out of my head."
"Dekh.. I wanna booze tu aa raha hai ya nahi?"
"Arrrrgghhhhh.. Chal mere baap, nahi toh tu mujhe chain se jeene nahi dega."
"Thats like a good Doggie.."

40 mins later.. At the Pub...

"Dude check her out man.. apni taraf hi dekh rahi hai."
"Chutiye theek se dekh, tere piche ladies bathroom hai, she is checking the line outside it..
Waise bhi I am done man..Bhad mein jaye saali sabhi kuttiya, I dont give a fuck."
"Are yaar.. tera kanta abhi tak wahi atka hai? Get over it man.. Move On!!! Koi aur mil jayegi."
"Abe tab se dekh raha hoon.. you talk like you know a lot about love and girls.. From what I know tu toh saale, laundibazzi aur tharkipan ka Champ hai, when the heck did you become an authority on Love?"
"Mere zakhmo ko khured ke unpe namak lagane ka chaska nahi hai mujhe. So lets just say that I have had my heart broken a couple of times."
"You never told me about this!"
"Batane layak kuch hai nahi yaar..If I look down that lane its all pain, some self-inflicted, some poured down on me."
"Hahahahaha.. Hard to imagine you as a heart broken devdas."
"Mazak nahi hai.. but I had my first encounter with booze coz of a girl man."

2 hours later... In the same pub..

"Tuuu mera saccha dost hai.. tu mere saath peene aaya.. Tuuu peene aaya."
"Tu bhiii mera saacha dost hai, jo mujhe zabardastiiii peene layaaa."
"Ek baat bataoon.. tu ye ladki logo ke chakkar mein mat pad, bahut papad belne padte hain.. saala upar se chhhod gai toh aur zyada daard hota hai."
"Kyaa huaa tha tere saath."
"Abe yaarrr.. I trustedd a girl with my life.. she left me coz her fucking Appa.. saala harami BC.. did not approve of me. Dusri wali ko pehli wali ko jalane ke chakkar mein pakda.. saali mera pura 1 saal ka savings chaat gai.. tessri wali toh mere liye God sent thi yaar.. but mein saala chutiya usko baki ladkiyo ki tarah treat kiya, eventually she got fed up of me and moved on, and the fourth one bloody wanted a slave/puppet...Saala kutta banake rakna chahati thi..Bloody bitch"
"Tuuu nee yee kabhi bataya nahiii mujhee"
"Abe kya batata.. Koi apne failure ki kahani sunata hai kya? Since then I have given up hope on love man..works for me this way."
"Hmmm, toh tu kya bolta hai.. main bhiii give up kar doon?"
"Abe nahi ye sab experience se seeko toh hi better hai.. everything Firstt Hand!!"
"Tohhh ye Prachi ka kya karu?"
"Hehe.. mere bhai you are asking a failed person for advice..Tujhe jo theek lagta hai karrrr...Just remember what ever you do.. never regret what you doo. Life mein seekh ne ke liye bahut hai.. Mujhe dekh 4 saal se ladkiyo ke alag types pe PhD kar raha hoon.. Tuu kum se kum apni Bachelor's Degree toh lele."
"Guruuuu.. tere charan dooke pappi deneka maan kar raha hai tere thopde pe."
"Hahaha.. Nautanki saala... Bartender saale.. pour me another one."

1 and a half hour later.. in the back alley of the Pub..

"BC.. SAALE.. BAAP KA MAAL SAMAJ KE RAKHA HAI....DEKH KE NAHI MAAR SAKTA KYA???"
"Duuudeeee.. tuu ne dekha kaise main ne.. saale bouncer ke takle pe chamat mara.. hahahaha.. saale ne jo wapas maara pura wasool hai.. hahahaha"
"O teriii.. abe awazz mat kar.. baju mein suwaro ek chota aur suukkhhiii pariwar soo raha hai.. Disturb hoga. Chup chaappp tu bhi soo ja.. nahi toh ye bhi harami G maar denge..."
"SHhhhhhhhhh.....NO TAALKINNGGGG...TIME OUT..."
"BC bouncer ki maa ki.. ganduuu ko kal dekhte hain.."
"ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz."
"ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Coffee Shop...

He has been sitting next to the door for over 30 minutes now.
Moderately attractive, smartly dressed with sharp features and a receding hair line.
Hmmm... keeps tapping his index finger on the cover of the book he is reading.
Is he nervous?
Why the heck am I staring at him?
Usually I am quite subtle at these things.

I have been coming to this place every Thursday since I was a kid.
I have my dad to thank for it.
It was our own special time, we talked about each and everything under the sun, and beyond it.
When he was alive I used to come with him,
After he passed away I used to come to remember him,
Now its just a habit.
In this ever changing world, this is the only consistent thing.
I tried bringing my husband here.
He doesn't see the purpose of sitting in cafe for hours, wallowing on the couch and observing people.
He says, "Isn't that why man invented T.V and created soap operas?"
Its interesting how each character on TV is a figment of someone's imagination.
Imaginary people, imaginary worlds, imaginary problems...
I guess he will never understand the fascination of studying human actions, reactions and mannerisms.
Where better to find such an interesting mix of people than a cafe.
You can be sure that on a long enough time scale the same person will make a reappearance.
Sometimes even if I can't recall a face, some idiosyncratic gesture lets me know,
that I have seen this person before.
To escape the monotony of the life I lead, I visit this "Human Zoo" of mine.

Working in a small company as a Recruiter, has its perks,
Short working hours combined with the satisfaction of hunting down people fit
for a particular job at my company,
feeds my hobby as well as my occasional shopping escapades.
Here, unlike the people in cafe I don't have to speculate,
I get most of their info on a printed executive bond sheet.
Not exactly what I prefer..So I just call them up.
Talk to them to create my version of their profile.
If only I could get a dollar for every time I found loads of BS on an application,
I would be able to afford a home on moon or feed half the world population..
OK that's exaggerating, but you get my point.
My husband on the other hand is a Manager of err.. something, in a bank.
I never have been able to understand what he does.
The passion with which he talks about his work makes me happy for him,
at least he didn't end up with job he hates.
I have controlled my self from making him a subject of my study.
I fear if I dig in deep, and figure him out, there will be nothing left to surprise me.

Now I get it.. Its the book, this guy is reading.
I have read it before. It wasn't a best seller, but amazingly written.
Odd, Now I feel like I have seen him somewhere before.
Up til now I haven't seen anything that would remind me of having seen him.
Hmm, Never mind I am done for the day.
I will bother if I see him again.


Sitting by the window, I was engrossed in the view outside.
Rain pouring down like there is no tomorrow.
People running to find some shelter.
At least some 20 people must have entered the cafe today, just to get away from the rain.
Then I heard someone talking.
It took me a while to realize, that "that someone" was talking to me.
I look up to see it was the guy I was wondering about 2 months back.
Shocked and surprised a bit to see him looking right at me.
"Hi, are you expecting someone to join you?"
"Err.. No"
"Mind if I occupy this chair?"
"Sure go ahead"
Damn! I want to be left alone today.

"Would you like to have something sir?"
"A mocha with cream should do fine"
It doesn't seem to bother him that he is completely wet, and dripping water all over his bag.
"Excuse me, but your bag is taking a shower.."
"Pardon!"
"I meant, your bag is getting drenched."
"Crap!!.. Thank you"
He ended up fishing out about 7 books from his bag,
and placed them all on the table which could at the best hold
only 2 cups of coffee with a basket of muffins.
"I am sorry for the mess I am causing.. But some of these books are my life.
No kidding.. I had a tough time getting my hands on some of these."
I just smile, wanting to get back to my view outside, but I guess he was in a chatty mood.
He just wouldn't quit, no matter how hard I tried to politely ignore him.

After a while he took the hint, and stopped pestering me.
Even though he wasn't talking, I was very much aware of his presence right across me.
It seemed like he wanted to talk to me, but didn't know what.
I stole a glance at him, he was busy staring in the direction of a young guy
sitting all by himself, seemingly busy writing something,
at first I didn't understand what was so fascinating about that young man.
Then I saw him ogling at a girl sitting at the table across him in small bursts,
It was only then I realized that the shy looking guy was actually sketching this girl..

I turned around and caught my table mates eyes, He smiled at me.
As if powered by some unknown force, I too smiled back.
Everything else is a blur, but what I remember is, we spoke for close to 2 hours that day..
If you ask me what we talked about, I wont be able to remember anything in particular.
Just that it was kind of a relief to pour my heart out to some stranger, whom I may never meet again.

Since that day we have met in this same cafe on and off for the past 3 years.
Never ever having promised to meet again, never having exchanged names or numbers.
We have talked about our lifes, other people, things big and small, observe people,
laugh at and sympathize with our subjects.
We did try naming this relationship once and figure its implications.
But what do you call this thing that we share, Friendship? Acquaintance? Soul-mate?
I know he has a wife, and a small kid, He knows that I am married.
But still there are things that I can discuss with him that I can't discuss with my husband,
just for the plain and simple reason that my husband will not understand.
The same applies to his wife as well.
Does this mean that we are cheating on our partners?
I mean even sharing at an psychological or emotional level,
giving priority to someone else other than your life partner.
Isn't that wrong? when you have taken a vow to stand by and share your life with someone.
The argument we have had over this topic, over a period of 4 months,
just etched out the futility of naming this relationship and figuring out what it is and what are its limits.
We just fill a void in each others lives.
No matter what, somethings just don't have a name or a face.