20 October 2011

Knight in a Shattered Armor

'Hey, Are you free today afternoon? I wanted to talk to you about something really important.'
What do you do, when a girl asks you such a question?
I am still thinking of answers that can be used other than "Yea sure!!", "Of course, I am free" or
"Hell Yeah, Just tell me when and where."
Men have this pressing need to be the 'Knight in shining armor', when they sense a damsel in distress,
specially if she happens to be a cute one.
Although I had tons of work to be done, I decided to skip lunch and go see Tina.
How I came to know Tina, is a different story altogether, she happens to be my friend's girlfriend's brother's best friend's cousin.
I met her first during my friend's birthday party, and things took off from there.
I waited for her outside her office in the scorching summer heat.
All the while feeling the butterflies in my belly ready to burst out.
What was it that she wanted to talk to me so urgently?
My head filled with anticipation and all the possible pleasant alternatives.
And then I saw her walk out of her office.
Ahhhh.. A cool breeze hit my face the moment I laid eyes on her. (or was it my imagination?)
While she was exchanging pleasantries with me,
I was engrossed in ogling and drooling at her like a neanderthal.
I, being the gentleman that I am, suggested that we go somewhere and have lunch.
What she said next was a bit unexpected, 'Can't we just stand here and talk?'
Let me describe the "here" she was talking about.
It was just outside her office, with rows and rows of vehicles parked next to where we were standing.
There was a huge gutter on the other side on the road, in which, were brewing the ultimate
'Knock you out of your senses' fumes.
Not to mention the constant honking of the vehicles passing by.
And the guys from her office, giving me the "Who the fuck are you, talking to a chick from my office?" look.
All that mattered to me was, I was standing there in her presence and she wanted to talk to me. Lucky me.
In the midst of all this, she started her story.
'I don't think you know the reason why I called you.'
'You see, there is another office next to mine, I have a mutual friend working there.'
'For the past few weeks he drags me to lunch with him,
and also insists on dropping me home, in the evening.'
Hmmm, So you get free lunches and lifts back home. I will have to do better than that then.
'I have tried a lot to avoid him, but he waits outside the office for me, no matter how late it gets.
Off late he has become too aggressive, I don't know what to do, can you talk to him, make him back off?'
I BLOODY KNEW IT!!! THERE FUCKING HAD TO BE A TWIST.
SHE WANTS ME TO BE HER HATCHET MAN.
THANK YOU GOD!! THANK YOU.. I GUESS YOU JUST HATE TO SEE ME HAPPY.
Of all the things running in my mind at the time, I just wanted to ask her one simple question.
"Take a good look at me, tell me from which angle do I look menacing or physically capable of fighting off the fiend you just mentioned to me??"
By now I was sweating profusely, partly due to the heat and mostly due to the situation I found myself in.
I was trying to imagine what that bastard would look like.
Would he be taller or stronger than me? Would he know some kind of martial arts?
I am screwed, I am doomed.. Today might very well be the last day of my life.
I took a look at Tina's face, for some reason she had some faith in me (At least I thought so).
My desire to be the 'Knight in Shining Armor' was back from the dead.
It had been a while since I had been in a fight,
I thought "What the hell, let me swing a couple of punches and see where this goes.
I will get her for this some other day, right now my survival and reputation are at stake."
It was showtime, I got into the act.
'Is that it? You just want me to scare off some bugger? HAHAHAHA.. That's no problem at all.'
'Ohh, don't underestimate him, he is some kind of crazy psycho.'
Thanks for the encouragement and building my confidence bitch!!
'Look there he comes.'
I was on the verge of have a heart attack.
When I finally saw the bastard, a sense of relief swept over me.
(the kind when you pee after you have held it for too long)
He was taller than me, but a bit on the thinner side.
I knew I could take this guy down.
THANK YOU GOD, I KNEW YOU STILL LOVE ME.
I asked her to stand all by herself, and moved to a spot bit away, I wanted to surprise the bastard.
He came, said Hi to her and promptly grabbed her hand.
Some how I knew that was my cue to intervene.
I stopped him before he reached his bike.
'LET GO OF HER HAND, YOU BASTARD.'
I am not sure if he let go of her hand because of my yelling, or was it Tina's new found strength which got her hand away from his.
I caught him by his collar and pushed him onto the bikes parked.
He stumbled to get up, I rushed to him, before he could get back on his feet.
I twisted his arm behind his back, and pulled out his mobile phone and the bike keys from his pant pockets.
He was shouting obscenities at me, but that was all he could do.
In my mind, Tina was in a cheerleader's costume, cheering me to turn this guy to pulp.
I didn't know what I was doing or for that matter how I was doing it, it was working. I was winning.
I noted down his home number and his Dad's number.
'Alright you bastard, now listen, and listen carefully, I have your home number, finding out where you live won't be hard. If I so much as hear your name being mentioned again, I will hunt you down,
I will call your place and tell your folks to expect your mangled body back home.'
The words didn't sound like it was me, I am not sure which hidden demon had got unleashed that day,
but it was awesome seeing the look on his face though.
Just when I thought the battle was won, he started to fight back.
I had to twist his arm to the extreme to drive my point home.
The twisting caused him to scream out loud, that was the moment I realized,
We were bloody fighting right in front of HIS office!!!
Reinforcement could have been there any moment, I had to wrap it up soon.
I started dialing his dad's number, As soon as he realized what I was about to do, his tone changed.
'Man.. whoever you are, don't call my dad, He will disown me man, he will kill me.'
I think he was about to cry.
'I don't fucking care who you are or what your dad does to you,
If you so much as even look at Tina, I will come straight to your house.'
'Whatever you say man, please let me go..please.'
I let go of his hand, half afraid that he is gonna strike back, But he was busy nursing his dislocated arm.
I threw his mobile and the bike keys away.
I turned around, hoping to find Tina in tears, wanting to hug me.
She was standing in the shade of a tree some 50 meters away, talking on her phone.
I went to her, she gestured to me that she just needed one more minute on the call.
After another 25 minutes she said, 'Thank God, it's all sorted out, I couldn't bare to stand in this heat for one more minute.'
I thought "IN THIS HEAT?.. You were bloody standing in the shade all this while, I was the one who was feeling the heat!!"
'You know my boyfriend was very worried about this guy, he only suggested that I call some friend of mine and get this sorted out.'
'Boyfriend???' (That's all I managed to utter in the state of shock I was)
'Oh yeah, He works in Delhi, If he was here, he himself would have taken care of this situation. But he won't be coming back till December. I am going to Delhi next weekend to meet him.'
AAARRGGGGHHHHHHH... ALL THIS FOR NOTHING!!!
'Hey.. my lunch hour is about to get over, I got to go have lunch, I will catch up with you soon.'
I stood there transformed back into a neanderthal, staring at her in disbelief this time.
All I could manage to say was 'Yea Sure'.
You could have at least asked me for lunch.. YOU BITCH!!
 Now that I think about it, while I was fighting off the bastard for her,
She was standing in the shade, giving her boyfriend a running commentary of the fight.
That day was a revelation, and if I could, I would kick my own ass for being so gullible back then.
But then, I did make a guy almost cry.. that was worth something. :)